Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
