We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Randomize
