he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
