meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
