i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
