I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There r osticjed everywhere
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
