so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
