well you can't waste a boner
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
