Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
