Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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