Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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