I could make wine with my vomit
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
