i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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