**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
