I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
