I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
