I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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