so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize