Apparently you make a good broom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
