pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
