Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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