He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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