I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
