What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
