apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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