Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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