Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
