Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
