just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
