Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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