You're completely useless in the revolution.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
