I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
