Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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