My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
