Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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