I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize