Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You were trust falling into bushes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
