my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
