just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There r osticjed everywhere
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
