I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
