I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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