Yo dont text me then not text me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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