Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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