what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
