you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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