How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
