I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize