...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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