if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
