I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
