so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
