Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Someone came in the potted fern
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
