just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
