She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
