I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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