so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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