dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
