Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
