Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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