Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
