Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
