Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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