So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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