It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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