you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
