I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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