how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
