I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
