kristin has been a bad kristin
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
