I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
