somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
