A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
